Tuesday, July 14, 2009

180 Vs ST - does this make me a Retifist?

Even though I copped some STs today, I still can't decide if I prefer the 180 or the ST. I'm not even sure I'd wear either of them - they're straight off the Westline. I just don't think I'm that eshay lad. But I can't help but feel like I need to possess them both. One without the other seems like Romeo without Juliet. Like the sun without a moon. Like Baskin without Robbins. Now that just wouldn't be ice cream...
I may be forced to go and try on the 180s tomorrow. Why do I feel so shredded with guilt, yet so empty without the sweet, sweet 180s in my possession?

Is this becoming a shoe fetish? Am I becoming a Retifist? True shoe fetishism (aka Retifism) apparently requires a fixation with shoes so strong that it interferes with sexual arousal. I'm not sure buying or wearing shoes gives me any kind of sexual gratification, but a certain type of gratification none the less.

On the other hand, a man wearing the right pair of kicks is significantly more sexually appealling than a man wearing the wrong kicks. Example: Man wearing Air Max 90 Infrared signnificantly more interesting than man wearing Puma Clydes. But man wearing Puma Clydes is always more attractive than man wearing Onitsuka Tigers. Did I just invent sexual sneaker Paper Rock Scissors? Clydes beat Onitsuka, but 90s beats Clydes?

I'm going to self test to see if I can prove if I am a Retifist. I've decided to play Lookbook NEXT! (you know, that dumb MTV game show). I've picked 5 random photos of Lookbook boys wearing kicks, and have assessed each one to decide whether I'd like to take them on a second date based on their shoes and what they're wearing...

Contestant A (below): Cute boy, bad sneaks. Full points for the cap, but those Tigers earn him an instant shutdown. Hang on... are you old enough to be legal? NEXT!
Contestant B (below): Well he immediately gets brownie points for the infrared 90s. But he's wearing a Hundreds cap and tshirt. Too much matchy-matchy. NEXT!Contestant C (below): Cute Asian with black Jordan 3s. Cap - check. Nerd glasses - check. Nice flannel shirt in my favourite colour (green) - check. Looks too much like my ex-Facebook friend - FAIL. NEXT!
Contestant D (next): The OG Structures are just about enough to get this guy a second date. And the cute glasses/cap/facial hair/vintage Nike tee definitely help his cause. But that looks like a hospital bracelet on his wrist. I could be wrong, and he could be at some totally rad club night and I'm sounding like a total numpty - but I'm gonna go with personal safety over style and suggest he escaped the loony bin and robbed some hot dude for all his rad clothes. NEXT!
Contestant E (below): Even though I think he actually tried super hard to get this look, he makes it look effortless. Mismatched matching, purple checks and infrared 90s - love it. Wanna go on a second date with me?
The moral of this story is I think I might be a Retifist. I definitely seem to have a tendency towards the men with particular kicks - although admittedly all the contestants, aside from Tiger boy, are wearing sneak style I personally love and wear myself. But I'm still not sure I've proved anything...

And yes, if you were wondering, I have thought about and had the discussion about leaving kicks on whilst doing the dirty. I'll leave you to make up your own mind about what I might willing to do under those circumstances... :P

Strangely enough, all of my contestants are also wearing caps. Is there such a thing as a cap fetish? Which leaves me confused. If I am a Retifist, and I also have a cap fetish, are the two mutually exclusive? I think I could be attracted to a man with good kicks and no hat - but not the other way around. You'd have to have a dope hat and dope kicks...

Tigers need not apply. To be continued...

1 comment:

  1. hahahahahahah at contestant c

    babe you are too funny!!!