High Heel Sneakers are never EVER a do

Flashback to the early 90s. At some point between CC Peniston and Nirvana, I remember people rocking high heel/platform sneakers. Apparently they're making a come back courtesy of Puma and a few other designers, much to my distaste.
You might have seen/heard about Sergio Rossi's recent collaboration with Puma, which involves a hybrid of the classic Puma Clyde, ugly pastel satin fabrics and a hideous white heel, in either sneaker, Mary Jane or pump style.

I'm not sure about you, but I think I just heard a million 80's B-Boys rollover in their graves. It's difficult to understand why Puma would take a classic like the Clyde and let someone completely destroy it for a new generation who never got to experience the Clyde in all it's glory.
In any case, Puma or not, there is simply no excuse for High Heel Sneakers. Even if you're a 3'4" midget, the Sneaker Heel is a big no-no. What could possibly possess anyone to want to wear kicks with a heel seems to defy the basic notion of a pair of sneaks.
Take the bad boys above for example. They make me think of the feet of an orange fake tanned Ed Hardy wearer. We got laces, velcro, leather, fat tongue, big rubber heel - holy shit, it's a High Yeezy Wannabeezy. What would Kanye say?
And these Courtney Love circa 1992, Chuck Taylor rip-offs. I personally find wearing Converse bad enough, without someone ripping off the design, gluing a fat heel on the bottom and calling them a Chuck-T Pump. I'm not sure there's anything less practical.
Did I say there wasn't anything less practical? I stand corrected. Apparently if you're a hipster you need a cool bike, lycra leggings and sneaker pumps worn all at once whilst walking through the park, carrying your pushie. FAIL.
FAIL AGAIN. As much as I love Chloe, these Pumps are almost unforgivable. Seriously what was the designer thinking? Is there even any possible reason to wear these things? Do that match anything except Grandma's shower cap?
The moral of the story is: The only time 'pump' should be used in the same sentence as 'sneaker' is when used in conjunction with the word 'Reebok'.

The end.